Fool
by NightmarePrince
Summary: She's a fool for only him. He had her love, but can she break a heart to gain his? Implied Jucy and Kucy Inspired by the Song "Fool" by Jessica Lowndes


**Fool**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush nor do I own "Fool" by Jessica Lowndes.**

I saw him again today, at the pool. He had been sunbathing as usual, killing skin cells in his favorite recliner and sipping on a cherry red slushy. Dark shades hid his eyes, but I could just imagine the warmth and humor that swirled in their hazel depths. He turned and saw me, greeting me with a smile and a wave, instantly turning my knees to butter. I couldn't help what happened next, I turned and walked away without so much as my trademark wink in response. It was easier this way, I guess. Better to pull away from him now, before he drew me in deeper.

_If only I could touch you  
Feel you in my arms  
If only I could hold you  
Without sounding the alarm  
It's only yesterday you left  
But it seems like last year  
Will I make it  
_

Oh who am I kidding, I thought as I entered my apartment and slammed the door and sank down against it with my head between my knees.

I loved him.

I don't know when it was that I realized how head over heels for him I was, all I knew was that my boyfriends best friend was the one. Why couldn't I have accepted that before I started dating Kendall? Because I was an idiot when it came to love, I was a heartbreaker, a punkish teenage rock star with red streaks and a bad attitude. And to be fair, I did like Kendall, he was great company and he made me smile.

_Is it wrong of me to feel this way  
You know my man would be betrayed  
But I can't stop the way I feel when I see you  
I'm such a fool  
_

But James made me laugh and he dried away my tears. My heart skipped a beat whenever I saw him. I could be myself around him, I could drop my mean girl facade around him, I could lose myself in his hugs, his laughter, and his smiles. Was I a terrible person, to be so in love with a man my boyfriend looked at as a brother? Yes, Yes I was.

_Is wrong of me to feel this way  
You know my man would be betrayed  
But I can't stop the way I feel when I see you  
I'm such a fool for you  
I'm such a fool for you_

He probably didn't even feel the same way about me, maybe he saw me as a friend or perhaps a future sister-in law. I shuddered at the thought; I wasn't strong enough to go down that road with Kendall, not if every time we kissed I imagined his blonde hair and green eyes darkening to shades of brown. But on the other hand, could I destroy him so soon after Jo? Life just wasn't fair, no matter which way you looked at it. The last few weeks had left a terrible strain on my emotions, having to avoid him for fear I might do something we both would regret. It had been difficult considering that we lived in the same building, but I had managed as best I could. The worst times where when I spent time with Kendall in his apartment, having to make small talk with him all the while trying to avoid the wafting presence James had on the room.__

If only I could kiss you  
Taste your skin my love  
Instead I only miss you  
Despite a heart within  
It's only yesterday you left  
But it seems like last year  
Will I make it  
Is it wrong of me to feel this way  
You know my man would be betrayed  
But I can't stop the way I feel when I see you

I wanted what Camille and Stephanie had with Logan and Carlos, that sense of having someone to pick you up whenever you fell, someone who could make you forget your cuts and bruises with nothing more than a smile. It wasn't as if Kendall wasn't there for me, it's just that there was no spark, no fireworks, the world didn't seem to hold its breath when I was with him. I liked him, I truly did. But I loved James.

_I'm such a fool  
Is it wrong of me to feel this way  
You know my man would be betrayed  
But I can't stop the way I feel when I see you  
I'm such a fool for you  
I'm such a fool for you  
_

I got to my feet and left my apartment, deciding to take a walk around town, hoping to resolve my turbulent emotions. I felt so conflicted, do I follow my heart? Or my conscience?

I whipped on my hood and jammed in my earphones, sighing as his vocals filled my mind, his first single, "Diamonds and Bandana's", lilting through my heart and soul. I passed a billboard advertising Cuda, my breath hitching in my throat as I saw his shirtless glory sprawled across the billboard endorsing the popular cosmetics brand. There was a sale at the jewellery store, twenty percent of all ruby and diamond combination jewellery. Was society trying to make me break into a sobbing ball of tears and angst right there on the pavement? The paparazzi would love that.

_And I worried I might steal you kiss  
When I'm broken you could be my fix  
But I can't cover all these lies  
No matter just how hard I tried_

And I can't go another day  
Without you I might fade away  
You're everything that I don't say  
Take my pain away  


I was back at the Palm Woods now and I saw him in the park and my decision was made. I walked towards him, my lips meeting his in a soft kiss, forcing myself to convey longing and desire. I tried to show everything I had felt for the brunette in that one kiss, but I found that deep down, I just couldn't. When we finally broke apart, I hugged him tightly and buried my head in the nape of his neck.

_Is it wrong of me to feel this way  
You know my man would be betrayed  
But I can't stop the way I feel when I see you  
I'm such a fool  
_

I just prayed Kendall couldn't feel my tears trickling down my cheeks, I hoped they didn't dampen his shirt and lead to awkward questions. I had kissed the blonde, picturing the brunette the entire time.

_And I don't know if I can wait  
And hold my fear like such a fake  
In my dreams I love the way you feel when I'm with you  
I'm such a fool for you  
I'm such a fool for you_

My heart broke as I saw James glance at us from across the park, his arm loped around a raven haired beauty. It was ok though, I was Lucy Stone. It didn't matter that my heart broke into a thousand pieces every time I saw his face, I couldn't break a heart just to try and fix my own.

I was and always will be, a fool for James Diamond.


End file.
